He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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