he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
