I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
