I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
