I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
