I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
