Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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