just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
