you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
