oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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