What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My bed smells like the plague
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