covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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