Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i drank out of a bidet.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
