By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just found puke in my bra..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
