Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
the liver wants what the liver wants
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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