I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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