You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
