3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
