dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I want her autograph on my taint
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
