it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
