matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
