You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
