i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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