SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
