my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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