Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
