If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
