who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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