youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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