I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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