its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Farmville is her only friend.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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