I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
