Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
