Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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