Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
