as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
