my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
