I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
