dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
