her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
