I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
