she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
