Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
