it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
