You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
