He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
