You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
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