did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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