yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
