I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
