I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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