dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
