Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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